Psalm 27 Reflection

The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
  
I was introduced to Psalm 27 as a child in the context of a Christian kids tape that centered around not being afraid. I wasn’t a particularly fearful child, so it was a while before I saw the application to my life. A while before I realized that fear could be being afraid of pain, or of being alone, or being afraid that your life is always going as messed up as it is today. It was that last bit that I found most difficult—I had enough painful experiences in my early life that I had difficulty trusting God that things would actually ever get better.  I feared that I would always be unhappy, that I would never see God’s goodness in concrete ways.

This feeling was most intense after I graduated from university and had no idea what to do with my life. I recently reread emails to friends I wrote in that period—in which I had finally decided to apply to grad school, and was rejected by every single one.  You see, although I have academic gifting I also have a learning disability which has dogged me throughout my schooling—a brokenness even in my greatest strength. There’s a strong sense of desperation in these old emails, of just barely treading water as I waited to apply again next year. I remember how little confidence I had that God had any sort of good plan for me. It was in this period of my life that I discovered the ending verses of Psalm 27:

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Despite my lack of hope I clung to this promise. God would show me his goodness in this life; I wouldn’t have to wait until heaven.  It might not look exactly like what I was expecting, but I could trust him. I just needed to wait.

These verses remind me of that famous verse in Hebrews: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” I think that just about sums up the Christian calling and condition. We somehow have to be okay with seeing partially, with glimpses of God’s goodness in this broken world as we wait for the renewal of all things.

Yet God does show himself in our lives in surprising ways. For me it’s been through evidence of his grace as I traveled to far away Toronto for school, had a terrible first year, found Knox, and learned to love my fellow grad students.  I have truly seen God’s goodness and I confidently expect to see more. When I doubt I remind myself: Take heart. Do not be afraid.


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Written for the Psalm series in my church's newsletter.